錫東有個赤子心，過去常冷不防的冒出一些冷笑話，Part-1是我把兩年前的中文版翻成英文，原以為可以再寫一些新的，但這兩年來，他忙得像陀螺，說笑話成了奢侈，雖然只有三則，但更令人珍惜。
孩子離巢高飛，留下兩隻不服老的鳥爸爸和鳥媽媽，閑來沒事，嘰嘰喳喳。
（早上7點）
鳥媽媽：你還沒做伏地挺身。
鳥爸爸：晚上再做。
（晚上12點）
鳥媽媽：你說晚上要做伏地挺身，怎麼都快睡覺了還……
鳥爸爸：你叫我做，我偏不做！（仰頭45度角）
鳥媽媽：那你是為反對而反對？
鳥爸爸：就是！
鳥媽媽：得到什麼好處？
鳥爸爸：自由！
鳥媽媽：拜託別彎腰駝背，跳舞的人都是抬頭挺胸，你沒聽過「立如松」嗎？
鳥爸爸：松樹都是歪七扭八的！
嘰嘰喳喳
鳥爸爸回到家一臉疲憊，鳥媽媽湊上前去。
鳥爸爸：別吵別吵。
鳥媽媽：我什麼話都還沒說。
鳥爸爸：我累死了，別吵。
鳥媽媽：你不知道「吵」是「口」字旁，我連口都沒開。
鳥媽媽： 天冷了，來，我幫你擦乳液。（邊說邊搽）
鳥爸爸： 不要，不要，我又不是女生！（抓了面紙猛擦臉）
鳥媽媽： 不搽會變老！
鳥爸爸： 不會變老啦，已經老了！
鳥爸爸沒釐頭的：非禮勿視就是在非禮的時候不要看。
鳥爸爸：城 × × 真衰，什麼都沒做，連衣服都沒脫，就被搞下台了…………誰叫他去賓館。
鳥媽媽：搞不好他根本不知道什麼叫賓館。
鳥爸爸：是嘛，他以為賓館就是招待賓客的地方，汽車旅館就是放汽車的地方。
鳥媽媽：最近報紙上不少教授性騷擾新聞。
鳥爸爸：教授性騷擾就是太太的錯。
鳥媽媽：你應該…….
鳥爸爸：你不要回到家還是校長，我白天是副校長，晚上還要做副校長？！
鳥爸爸：你很霸道。
鳥媽媽：你才霸道！
鳥爸爸：什麼都要聽你的。
鳥媽媽：我也有我的想法啊。
鳥爸爸：隨便你，不聽後果自行負責！
鳥媽媽：這是下期學費。
舞蹈老師看到厚厚一疊的鈔票，眉開眼笑。
老師：一個富翁，一個富婆………
鳥爸爸：富翁、富婆的錢都給你了，那你是什麼？
鳥媽媽：你很幸運娶到這麼棒的老婆。
鳥爸爸：不是隨便人就可以娶到這麼棒的老婆。
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Two Birds Argued In An Empty Nest-Part 1
The chicks have grown up and flew away. Papa bird and Mama bird stay in the empty nest, lonely and bored. They pick on each other to make fun.
(Early in the morning）
Mama bird: You haven’t done the pushups.
Papa bird: I will do it at night.
(Late at midnight)
Mama bird: It is bed time but you haven’t done the pushups.
Papa bird: SO WHAT? (Keeping his chin up)
Mama bird: So you just DON’T want to do it.
Papa bird: YES. DON’T tell me what to do.
Mama bird: What are you FIGHTING for?
Papa bird: FREEDOM!
Mama bird: Please keep your back straight. No dancers have a crooked back. Don’t you ever hear: Standing like a pine tree?
Papa bird: Sure. All the pine trees are twisted and gnarled.
Papa bird came home exhausted. Mama bird approached with a big smile.
Papa bird: LEAVE ME ALONE.
Mama bird ROLLED her eyes.
Papa bird: BE QUIET.
Mama bird: I haven’t even OPENED my mouth yet. How can I BE QUIET?
Mama bird: The cold weather is bad for your skin. (Smearing the lotion on Papa’s cheeks)
Papa bird wriggled: STOP. I am not a woman. (Wiping the lotion off the cheeks hard)
Mama bird: You WILL look old if you don’t……
Papa bird: I WILL NOT look old. I AM old.
Mama bird: There are quite a few reports about the professors getting in sexual scandals.
Papa bird: It is all the wives’ fault.
Mama bird: ?!#$%^&*+_*&^%$#
Mama bird: You should….
Papa bird: Don’t be a President at home. I am a Vice president during the day. Why should I be the same at night?
Papa bird: YOU ARE REDICULOUS!
Mama bird: YOU ARE!
Papa bird: WHY SHOULD I LISTEN TO YOU?
Mama bird: BECAUSE I HAVE A BETTER IDEA.
Papa bird: OK. IT’S UP TO YOU. JUST DON’T BE SORRY.
Mama bird: You are LUCKY to marry such a wonderful woman.
Papa bird: Not every man can MAKE it.
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嘰嘰喳喳 - 2
2009年5月18日
碧華抗議：你改變心意兩次了。
俄羅斯舞蹈老師Radu反駁：我沒有。
錫東接腔：他沒錯。改變兩次就是沒改變。
英文不太靈光的Radu：你不會沒有很多麻煩。
錫東：那我會有很多麻煩。
錫東看著報紙上美麗的女主播照片羨慕的說：你看！她多漂亮！假如妳的腿和她一樣長，我們就是跳舞的絕佳拍檔。
碧華湊上去一看，興奮的大叫：對啊，這樣我們就可以去比賽了！
錫東深呼吸：好裡家在，妳沒有她的長腿！
Part 2
May 18, 2009
Bih is counting a stack of money.
Lucy, the dance teacher, smiles from ear to ear. Said: LOOK, A RICH MAN AND A RICH WOMAN…..
Dong: You have the rich man and rich woman’s all money, so what are you?
Bih argued: You have changed your mind twice.
Radu, the dance teacher defended: No I didn’t.
Dong: He is right. Change twice means no change.
Radu used his Russian English: You wouldn’t haven’t any troubles.
Dong: Then I will have a lot of troubles.
Dong pointed at a picture in the newspaper and said: Look! She is so beautiful. You will be a perfect partner to dance with if you have long legs like hers.
Bih peeked over Dong’s shoulder and exclaimed: YAH! GREAT! WE CAN COMPETE THEN!
Dong took a deep breath: Thanks God, you don’t have long legs like hers.
全家團圓，與外公外婆攝於家門口
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