Dear R and L:
I got up very early and I think I’d better write this letter because I don’t like to keep things in my mind.
I know that you are trying your best to help me, but I am afraid that I won’t be able to make any improvement if you don’t know how I feel.
There is no doubt that I truly appreciate your lessons, but I don’t appreciate the way I was treated yesterday. I felt like an idiot and I felt hurt.
I thought that I had made a great breakthrough after the performance for the public which I did with R two weeks’ ago, but I found that I came back to where I was before Shyi-Dong left for his trip to America and Spain. I don’t know how I can do a better job if I am stigmatized with the words: No balance, no axis, and no music. Do you know that every time when I did something wrong, those words were just like slogans pouring out and it hurt like a sharp razor blade stabbing in. I don’t even need to hear what’s wrong and I know what I will get. I know it’s true that I need to improve a lot in those areas but I don’t know what else I can do if I have tried my best. I told you that I have worn out a CD in order to listen to the beats and now I can say that at least I can hear the beats, but I don’t know what I can do if you said that I was still not good enough. I know practice and exercise is the only way to improve my balance and axis, but I found my knees hurt. Either I used the wrong methods or the knees have reached the capacity.
You know I like everything to look good, how can I stand myself to look bad? When I missed the music or balance, it didn’t mean I didn’t care; it was really because I couldn’t make it. It bothered me when Shyi-Dong accused me first when you tried to correct our problems. It also bothered me when he repeated your words over and over after each correction you made. I don’t know why he feels that he knows better than I do or he does better than I do. He might do better in many things but I put in a lot more efforts than he does, not even to mention about the time I spend. I believe that I deserve some praises for the efforts I put in. You probably would say, ‘What can we do? It’s a problem between you and him.’ True, it’s a problem between a wife and husband but I can’t say anything because he is not the person who initiates taking the dance lessons. However, how can I make any improvement if I am continuously being criticized?
Recently my Rotarian friends strongly encouraged me to take the presidency. It was a great honor for anyone to become a president of a rotary club. However, I turned them down. The reason I gave was that I don’t want to miss my dance lessons. Two years ago, they nominated me, but I told them that I couldn’t accept it because I was about to establish a new school. Now they probably feel that I am just trying to get another excuse and don’t really want the position. I am telling you this is because I want you to know how much the dance weighs in my heart. How can I ever accept any degree of failure when I love it so much?
Yesterday I was very happy to come to the studio because I was greatly honored by the audience who attended the Education Forum I hosted for Sunny Radio Station at Windsor Hotel. Even though it’s my first time to do it, the audience told me how much they enjoyed it, they even asked for my signature and contacting methods. Unfortunately, my happiness didn’t last long. My glamour disappeared when I was bombed by all the criticism in the studio. Please don’t get me wrong that I can only take sweet words. I know I will never do a good job if I don’t have good attitude, but please cut it off when Shyi-Dong is nagging on me. I can’t stand to be labeled as a failure.
~華麗的宮廷舞~
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